Harry Airborne

In the Natwest Bank I use there is one teller a Pakistani or Indian girl who is always smiling ,always well presented both in dressand manner. I can hear my readers groan ” Old lascivious Harry….” Bear with me. She has a smile for everyone not least herself. Not being the most observant of souls it took me some time to realise that parked by her chair was a wheelchair and she was disabled. Was it a car acccident? An illness?

I employ 35,000  people worldwide and as my dear friend Kevin Lyle once obseved my operational tentacles spread globally . Yet I feel humlbed and others who who have all the advantages and pleasures of  mobility should too that in the face of such adversity this young lady can still remain cheerful and positive 

Hullo everyone Cassius here back from Iraq

I was sent over to Iraq to assist the US withdrawal operation. First time I have worked with them. I found them less driven than the Israeli Defence Force and not engaged with the locals like the British Tommy. However I eat better than at the Towers and the techno is state of  art. Not that you need that to see the photo of Harry suspended frorm the roof at Wimbledon. When I saw it on my blackberry I thought

” Thats another fine mess you’ve got ourselves in” .

I was able to supervise the rescue operation from a wadi .

On the car back from Milvenhall Air Base in Suffolk with Harry I could not resist a bit of joshing. As I hummed  ” If I was a rich man” I asked Harry to put on the CD of Fiddler on the Roof . Given his embarassing moment maybe ” Rain drops keep falling on my head” 

I would like to give my account on the unfortunate series of events at Wimbledon yesterday. Earlier, I arrived at the Mansion House for lunch in top hat and black morning coat. From there I had to hotfoot to the Airborne Marquee at Wimbledon. I was working on the backhand leverage of Miss Oksana Kutikocha the talented young Ukrainian starlet when a man in overalls in a distressed state burst in the marquee to say the roof ,which airborne Engineering had constructed, had hit a problem. ” Harry,the hydraulics are f-cked”
Quickly taking my Airborne all purpose screwdriver (£6.99 from B + Q) from the Savoy napkin in my back pocket  I was ready to assist. I was winched up to the roof in a cradle and started to loosen the rivets. 2 compressors were freed but then snapped together entrapping the tails of my morning coat. The roof began to close with me hanging by my coat tails. I was so suspended for some 45 minutes and began to experience vertigo and bladder pressure I can only express my deepest embarassment that some drop lets of urine fell on the personages in the Royal Box .

Despite having a birds eye view of the match, I am eternally grateful to the St Johns Ambulance Crew, Air Rescue,the London Fire Brigade and my own helicopter crew for freeing me and my tailor or for the emergency repairs so I could show myself and not my naked buttocks in public. The annual Airborne river boat shuffle of our apron staf was fixed for the evening but my attendance  was understandably excused. I spent a relaxing evening in the rented flat in Belgravia of Oksana looking at video of her previous triumphs some of them on a tennis court..

I am delighted to say that after the intervention of the local MP Diane Buck with the Director of Parking in Westminster Council the bailiffs enforcement has been suspended in regard to the parking penalty.
In an American election you vote for a congressman, senator and president . Thus a voter can and does vote for a congressman and President of different parties.what do you do here if your constituency MP serves the community well but your political affiliation is different?
Before I thanked Diane Buck for her efficiency and effectiveness with the words a MP does a lot more rhan greedily maximise her allowances I thought I had better check that she has not flipped , claimed for a a duck house ,bath plug or a scotch egg. The best the Telegraph could find is she claims a centralt London allowance of £2812 which is quite proper. Her expenses are ££8720 in the same band as the other inner London members and none of which attracted criticism. It may not be the hardest of jobs to send a couple of letters to the Council but my grievance is one of many with which she has to deal daily..

The story shows that MPs do perform a vital role in their community and conversely are kept in touch by their constituents with both reality and abuses of modern life.

Often in life you plan an event well in advance but by the time it comes round its inconvenient or you don’t have the same enthusiasm. Conversely a spontaneous event can be the most enjoyable of all.
Thus it was yesterday when an italin friend was in town, called in the morning and invited me to lunch at Olivo Mare. We had a catch up on our lives and I was interested on her take on Berlusconi. His consorting with young women has by no means incurred italian opprobium. Her view was that he should be judged by his management of the country and as he was separated he is not cheating. I remember when Berlusconi started the Forza Italia party arguing that the risk to democracy of a Premier controlling the media was considerable . Our prurient media would have a feeding frenzy but at least they have licence to print.

The Sardinian food at Olivo and its mermaid sister Olivo Mare is rightly praised. I had squid and the signature dish of spaghetti alla bottega ( red mullet pasta.) The squid were a tad dry and served without a tangy lemon let alone a sauce. The pasta delicious. My friend and her husband played a role in the rise of Olivo round the corner from their flat some 20 years ago. I spotted the owner Mauro bearing brandies to a table personally and we noted that a good restaranteur should greet old patrons. Its an example of a restaurant having to do more than serve good food to reach the highest level.However we were so engrossed in a catching up 5 years that we only made a passing comment.
In

After such an enjoyable lunch I was pleased to return to the Towers in a happy mood. This dropped when I soke to my mother who fell and had mild concussion. Happily the doctor was satisfied there were no problems.

I soon became engrossed in the Murray match. Supposing I had a supper invitation accepted 3 months ago and had to miss this thriller? I tend to compare football to other sports. Footballers and managers often complain of fatigue after 2 matches a week Murray will be back on court in 48 hours after the most sapping of conditions and of course its not a team game. Footballers post match give a grudging interview and often managers but Murray signed autographs at 11.00 pm. Football has resisted video technology -the international governing bodies are implacably opposed but the restricted use of a video challenge in tennis added to the drama as well as ensuring the right decision.

Last night at the Airborne Multiplex we as part of our argentinean film festival  showed Nine Queens , its a wonderful “caper” movie not unlike the Sting. For this genre to work you need pace, good acting and a twist. Young director Fabien Bielinsky supplies all three as the film maintains its tempo  till its denouement .Iwill not give way the plotline but the Nine Queens are a valuable set of Weimar Republic stamps which a businessman who cannot take cash out of the country he must leave forthwith is interested in buying.

Argentine cinema established itself with Y Tu Mama   Tambien a raunchy movie and Amoros Perros which created the multi-threaded  plot genre winning an oscar for Crash. The  strength of this movie as with many continental ones is that the director wrote the screenplay so its clear in his mind how a complex story can be translated to film. The cast whilst unknown globally  achieve  a high level of performance notably Ricardo Darin in the lead. I also thought that unlike Hollywood big budget films this with more modest ambitions as it was the director’s debut film was happy in its making which the various actors confirmed in interview .

A must see film.

Sometimes you are priviledged to witness a sporting event which you know even as you watch it has legendary status. This happened yesterday in the second test between the British Lions and South Africa. I went off rugby when the emphasis lay on massive forwards and tactical kicking and not on flow and movement. The thrill of this test was not just the intensity of the forwards but the exciting darting expressive play of the Boks wingers Habana and Pietersen and the Lions centres though Roberts was not as devastating as in the first test and the rampaging full back Kearney. This match had all the ingredients necessary .great sporting theatre not least a gripping denouement. Had the Lions props and centres remained on the pirch they surely would have maintained their supremacy and Burger should have been red carded but the tightness of the game was one of its most compelling qualities.

I would. Like to add my own memory of Michael Jackson. My very good friend and fellow magnate Mohammed Al Fayed brought him to Fulham. He was perfectly friendly but I was struck by the cafe au lait skin colouring which he protected by his umbrella from the sun.His wierdness has been documented but not many can claim to be star from the age from 10 to 50 and such massive talent does not come without a price.

Last night an old friend S who tragically had a disabling stroke 11 years ago invited me to supper with her boyfriend. She  is a keen scrabbple player amd she invited me round for  a game. I do not think I have played scrabble since my last game with her at least 5 years ago. She said her boyfriend  is strong player and she had never beaten him. She did so last night.The two problems I find with scrabble is dependency on the tiles you draw and the waiting between moves.I never had more than 2 vowels so could only form bitty words whilst S got the q, z and x. Her boyfriend J did do a scrabble ( using all 7 tiles) with “thrusted “on the triple word but could not catch her. In chess if you are waiting for a move you can use the time profitably to assess and plan but in scrabble the board can change making  such planning impossible.

Of course its just a game like chess or the second Lions rugby test today. However a game is played to win as much as for the enjoyment and therefore any variable in  selection of pieces inevitably affects the chances  of victory That’s my excuse ( 45 on a triple word) anyway.

Such is the state of modern cinema I would often rather wait for a dvd on the basis that if the film does not engage I can half watch it doing something else rather han be trapped in the picture house.

I watched the Reader for precisely this reason. Kate Winslet gave a magnificent performance in a challenging role in which she had to age 50 years. Ralph Fiennes gave a measured performance as her ex lover. With a screenplay by David Hare and produced by Sidney Pollack and Anthony Minghella a strong team was assembled. The first section set in  a drab Germany in 1958 in which bus conductress Hanna Schmitz (  Kate Winslet) has an affaire with a 15 year old is too long who reads to her whilst the court scene in which she stands trial for war crimes could have been extended  The boy now a law student attends that trial with his professor and is placed in a  dilemma as he possesses knowledge whch might save her from a life sentence. My problem was the film’s moral compass. However talking of the film with the young librarian Nicola and AD and PJ such confusion was intended. I then realised that this was the triumph of the acting and direction That for the first time you were asked to feel sorry for an ill educated simple woman who committed ghastly war crimes and achieves salvation through reading.. Personally I did not bur the fact I debated this with 3 people reflects the depth and subtelty of this film.

Yesterday on radio 4’s  today an american argued that French cuisine is in decline. A French journalist Agnes Poirier based in London countered and began by stating that France opposed the Iraq war. I was interested to hear her as I have just finished her book touche ,her take on the english.

Years ago I enjoyed George Mikes How To Be an Alien a humourous look at we Brits. The ex US ambassador Ray Seitz wrote a more cerebral appreciation of British political life.The quality of affection is not so evident in Agnes Poirier’s   wriing. Her view is France and the french are more sophisticated in love food films and politics. As someone who spent time in Paris and Tours I did agree with some of her Gallic obserations: the protection of independert shops against the supermarche, the lack of small talk at dinner parties.

She adopts a ladette’s prose style.She uses for example the word ” crap” on several occasions. I really take exception this style.In the latest Time OuUt in a   review of an audio book  there is reference to Andy McNab whoever he might be ” wanking over” the work. Could not the book revieweer said ” becoming over enthusastic?” Cant Mme Poirier think of better description than ” crap”?

In one piece Madamoiselle Poirier says that since 1789  France has had 11 forms of governemt including state collaboration with Nazism whilst over the same period  the royal family are perfecting their croquet.  I prefer a croquet playing monarch to a pusillanimous Marshal Petain. Perhaps shs is trying too hard to be provocative but whether its defending french food or lampooning the royals she seems to miss the point.